So how long does one have to go between posts before a blog should just be retired as a failure?  This blog has to be coming close to that limit.

Here are some quick movie reviews of my holiday movie experience.  I wanted to watch Alvin & the Chipmunks Squeakquel but the wife was resistant.

AVATAR

We watched it in 3D and it was the best 3D I’ve ever seen.  It didn’t throw a lot of gimmicks at you and instead used the 3D effectively to bring the CG worlds to life.  It added a lot of depth and life to a world which may have otherwise looked too unreal.

It’s a far better blend of live-action/CG than anyone else has managed; yes even Jar Jar Binks.  The story was pretty derivative, but done in a clever enough way that you won’t mind until you look at the movie in retrospect.  I’ve read predictions of it receiving an Oscar Nomination, but it only deserves it for technical achievement in my opinion.

Verdict: B Tilt: A-

SHERLOCK HOLMES

This movie is an odd beast.  It’s not quite sure what kind of movie it is, and if it weren’t for the saving graces of Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law that flaw may have been this movie’s downfall.

The story is good, and though many feared that Holmes would become more superhero than super sleuth, there is nothing to fear.  The movie does a good job of painting Holmes as the genius that he is.  His character as portrayed in this film feels very Jack Sparrowesque.  Holmes is eccentric and almost crazy, but at the same time capable of solving crimes.

If Holmes hadn’t been around long before the two, I’d say this movie can best be described as a cross between Monk and Pirates of the Caribbean.  Strange, but true.

The bromance between Watson and Holmes is superb, and I don’t think I’ve ever liked Jude Law this much in a role.  The real takeaway from this film is the many movies yet to come. Let’s hope they leave Rachel McAdams out next time.

Verdict: B Tilt: A

Every Easter, my family has a tradition of going camping.  When I say my family, I don’t mean my mom and sister.  I mean every member of the extended family who is alive and capable of camping.

These days it’s actually been taken down a generation for population reasons, but when I was a kid it was camping with family members all the way up to my great grandmother.  I guess normal people would call that a family reunion.

Living in Virginia as I now do, I don’t get to go to Easter as often as I used to so I guess my unconscious mind wants to go.  It was one of these Easter campouts that was the setting for one of the strangest dreams I’ve had in some time.

My immediate family were camping in a cabin in my dream.  The front of the cabin faced a large open area where the rest of the family was camping, while the back opened onto a rather busy highway.  It seemed normal as strange dream things often do.

We looked out the window towards the highway and saw two baby zebras sitting on the side closest to us.  We were immediately concerned about their well-being with the crazy highway in front of them.  Wondering where the parents might be, we looked up and saw two adult zebras across the way.

Then there was commotion.  Across the highway, a little bit down from the zebras, was an elephant charging across the highway.  He headbutted a Jeep, and cars careened all over the place.  As we watched it all unfold we were in awe at the destruction the elephant had caused.

But then the elephant kept running — straight to our cabin.  He headbutted the window and it cracked.  We breathed a sigh of relief; we were safe.  But then creaking and cracking… the tree above the cabin was falling.  Panicked, I grabbed my wife and ran out of the cabin.

The cabin collapsed and I turned back realizing that I did not try to save my sister, niece, stepfather or mom.  I went back to the rubble and crawled in and asked, “Is anyone in here?”

My mom replied, “I am.  But Kenny’s [stepfather] going to come get me.  Don’t worry about it.”

Then there were fireworks and a band.  My cousin Mandy was the lead singer and shouted “Happy New Year!”  My wife looked at her watch and sure enough it was midnight.  I don’t know how Easter ended up being New Year’s Eve.

My family was all ok and then my friend Dave showed up because he had heard about the cabin catastrophe and wanted to fix the toilet for us.  He installed a Ford motor in the toilet tank and then showed us how clean of an engine it was and how wonderfully our toilet would run.  For some reason, the motor itself was yellow.

We went back outside to the festivities and I woke up.

Note to Self #1: never go camping when there are elephants around.

Note to Self #2: Contact Dave for toilet problems.

If you would have told me back in May that I would be sitting in August reviewing one of the best movies of the summer I would have told you that you were crazy.  The beginning of summer 2009 had the goods, but the end of the summer was destined for suckitude.

GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra was merely a way to sell action figures stuck haphazardly in the middle of August.  It wasn’t supposed to be good.  It was supposed to be mediocre at best.

The trailers all but confirmed GI Joe’s inevitable failure.  The colorful characters of our past were crammed into ‘acceleration’ suits and made to look like poorly done CGI monkeys.  There was absolutely no redeeming qualities about the trailers.

The only hint of greatness that ever came out of the Joe movie were the early stills of the characters.  At least they got actors that looked the part…

But I’m here to tell you that GI Joe is easily the second best action flick of the summer, and (unless you love Potter) the second best movie overall.  GI Joe puts Wolverine and Transformers to shame.  Something tells me Hasbro is ok with that.

What GI Joe understands is that its entire premise is a little bit silly.  Though audiences may be inclined to believe in elite agencies protecting the world, when you start talking about Cobra Commanders and lasers then it gets a little hokey.

But hokey works for this movie.  It knows what it is and its intention is to keep you engaged too fully to think about the silliness.  It takes James Bond and crosses it with [the original] Transformers and gives the audience a little something special.

Perhaps what Joe has going for it more than anything else is an extremely charismatic cast.  Though none of them are likely to win Oscars (for this or any other performance), they are a ragtag bunch of heroes that you can get behind.

Channing Tatum is awesome as Duke, and provides the audience’s perspective taking in this elite organization with super hard core members and silent ninja commandos.  With help from Marlon Wayans as Ripcord, the audience is able to marvel at Joe headquarters with our protagonists.

(As an aside, I generally despise any of the Wayans brothers, but Marlon delivers a straight-edged comedic role without getting too ridiculous in this movie.  He’s suprisingly likable.)

Near the beginning of the movie a fight scene erupts (they rarely stop throughout the film), and Snake Eyes jumps out of a plane to exact justice on a number of Cobra bad guys.  That’s the moment that Joe gets its legs and after that it never stops running.  There is just too much cool to go around.

I was impressed with how well the movie manages to give every character enough time to make them feel meaningful.  Though not all get a well-developed backstory, every character feels like they belong and should be rooted for (or reviled).

Sienna Miller as Baroness is a delight.  One of the more memorable characters from the cartoons, she really shines on screen as both an action hero and a female antagonist.  Though I don’t remember a lot about the original storylines, Baroness has a backstory with Duke here which makes the plot seem all the more relevant.

Without going into detail about the awesomeness of each character, special shout outs are in order for Christopher Eccleston as Destro, and Byung-hun Lee as Storm Shadow.  Both bring awesome depth to their well-known characters.  And the always riveting Ray Park does his usual awesome job bringing Snake Eyes to life.

The stupid ‘accelerator’ suits from the trailers aren’t nearly as stupid as they appeared.  In fact, their inclusion in the film opens up one of the most inventive car chase scenes that I’ve seen for some number of years.  This romp through Paris including Storm Shadow, Baroness, Snake Eyes, Duke, Ripcord, and Scarlett is a perfect example of how the script leaves no character behind.

Sure the movie is filled with ridiculous technobabble and impossible gear, but that’s what made the old GI Joe so much fun.  I actually had an action figure named ‘Croc Master’ complete with whip and pet crocodile.  GI Joe is not supposed to be grounded in modern day military reality.

If I were to give advice on what movie to expect going into the theaters I would say to expect something along the lines of the original Transformers movie.

Though this movie has a better developed cast of characters and less shaky cam, it is essentially the same mentality.  Pure action-packed adrenaline is the only way to turn a toyline into a real movie, and it looks like Hasbro has struck gold yet again.

Verdict: B- Tilt: A

Believe it or not, I’ve been anxiously awaiting this day. It has been a while since my last review of a Harry Potter movie, and that was a fun — if somewhat controversial — review to write.

I’m not a Harry Potter fan.  I have read only the first book, and I feel that most of the movies were horribly made.  They tend to be drawn out and full of fan service that interrupts the flow of the movie for no discernible reason.

This latest film, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, is getting rave reviews.  It’s percentage on Rotten Tomatoes is a perfectly respectable 87%.  It was moved from a winter release date in 2008 to a the more prime real estate of July 2009.

It has to be good right?

I will say that Half-Blood Prince is better than its predecessor.   While the Order of the Phoenix was full of indecipherable character subtext and questionable plot advancement, Half-Blood Prince lives up to it’s name and gets it half right.

For the first time in over 12 hours of Potter on film, the three leads finally got their act together.  Rupert Grint, Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe really own their characters in this film and emerge as the protagonists that they always should have been.

I finally believe that Hermione loves Harry like a brother and Ron like a boytoy.  I finally believe that Ginny Weasley is a wizard wunderkind herself and that she has the hots for her older brother’s best friend.

It’s hard to believe that Harry has taken 6 years to come to grips with the fact that he’s awesome, but having him finally do so is a welcome relief.  Daniel Radcliffe has confidence this time which is something that ‘the chosen one’ should have had all along (or at least after the first couple of movies).

Half-Blood Prince is also funny.  Though there were some stupid site gags (like a cauldron blowing up in a student’s face; cliche much?), there were also some genuine laughs to be had.

Sure we find out that our leads are all about getting it on with as many students as possible, but hey — isn’t that what any teenager would do if they were sent to high school away from home?

But for all its humor, good acting, and character development, Half-Blood Prince falls down about halfway through the movie.  When we’re done welcoming back the cast and seeing where they are in their love lives, we have no choice but to return to the Voldemort story line to promptly fall asleep.

Seriously, I almost fell asleep.  How can they chase Voldemort for so long without action?  How can every movie involve the introduction of a new teacher with a secret that must be uncovered, none of which actually progress the goal of defeating Voldemort?

Also, what happened to Draco Malfoy?  He used to be a delightfully mischievous boy, but now he’s just weird looking with practically no lines and no guts.  Although Malfoy is worth being suspicious of, I never really believe that Harry has a good reason to do so and thus agree with those who think he’s off his rocker.

Having not read the books, I had no idea that there was a character death in this picture.  I don’t want to give it away, but I will say that after 6 movies I really should care a lot more than I did.  The fact that I was completely unmoved by the occurrence is not a good thing.

Having a  discussion with my wife after the movie, she pointed out to me that perhaps my problem with the inconsistency of character development in the Harry Potter movies is not the fault of the filmmakers, but the situation.

Since many of these movies were filmed before the entire story had been unveiled, they didn’t know who would be important and who wouldn’t be.  They didn’t know that they should have cut out Longbottom entirely, and beefed up Ginny for future installments.

And that’s seriously a problem.  When Peter Jackson cut up Lord of the Rings, he was able to do so in an informed manner to capture the essence of the story for a film-going era.

They didn’t have that luxury with Harry Potter, and it has shown over the years.  I don’t know who to blame for that, but having not read the books it’s a pretty big ding on the films.

You Potter fans will love it.  I loved the first half.

It was coming in at a B- before Dumbledore and Harry went on a wizard adventure where they both forgot that they were wizards and that they didn’t need to do silly things like ride a boat across 50 yards of water.

Oh well.  At least I tried to like it.

Verdict: C Tilt: D+

During the lonely summer months when network television has abandoned me, I search for anything to tide me over.

I play video games, watch reruns of What I Like About You, Gilmore Girls and Star Trek: TNG, and I desperately search for something new (some good, and some bad).

This led me to the discovery that my TiVo is quite capable of showing me YouTube videos on my giant television.  Although YouTube is hardly a new invention, I have never really embraced the phenomenon.  I can always find better things to do on my computer than watch videos.

But watching videos on my television?  Well that’s an entirely different beast.  So I embarked and soon found myself subscribed to Marina Orlova, host and proprietor of HotForWords.

The premise of her website and videos are simple — discussion of the origin of certain words, what they mean, and what they used to mean.

Marina is a philologist by trade so she’s not just some fly-by-night internet researcher.  Her love for words makes her ’students’ hot for words, and there is no better motivator for learning.

Sure it doesn’t hurt that she has a sexy Russian accent and looks like a super model, but it’s really the content that got me to to subscribe.  Learning is fun, and learning in bite-sized chunks is even better.

That long introduction of HotForWords was really to get to a discussion about one of Marina’s latest videos:

This video discusses the meaning and origin of the word mondegreen. It is a word I believe I have come across before but I don’t think I could have told you the meaning before watching this video.

For those unwilling to watch the hot Russian girl above (seriously, what is wrong with you!?), a mondegreen is the mishearing or misinterpretation of a phrase, typically a standardized phrase such as a lyric.

I can’t remember all of the mondegreens I have come across in my life, but I know they are plentiful. From my youth, I can particularly remember mishearing a line in “Part of Your World” from The Little Mermaid.

The real line goes, “Bright young women, sick of swimming, ready to stand!” but I always heard it as “Pregnant women, sick of swimming, ready to stand!”

I always just assumed it was some sort of reference to Ariel’s unspoken desire to be a mother.

From the video, I have definitely been guilty of “Hold me closer Tony Danza.” I think the first time I heard Elton John’s “Tiny Dancer”, I had no idea what he was saying.  Given his preferences, I figured it was perfectly plausible that he had written an ode to Tony Danza.

What are some mondegreens that you’ve been guilty of? With all of the singing of pirate songs and rock concerts you people go to, surely you’ve run into a few.